Duelist VS Machine
by Noveltrix
Summary: My first what you may refer to as a "crack fic" But not really that crazy. Jaden's birthday is coming up in a few weeks and Syrus wants to save up money to get a new job. But will Jesse's advice on interviews be enough against a diabolical machine?


Me: Hello peoples

Me: Hello peoples! It's me, Kalo-chan! I know that my profile has been pretty lame and empty so far and I apologize. I have things written, but I can't post them until I have time to actually get them up on the computer. XP School sure gets in the way! XD Well, I figured I'd start things off with random crack fics…….because I'm random and funny like that! YAY!!

Yugi and Shika: Glad to see you admit it.

Me: HEY! Who said you could come in here?? You aren't even participating in the overall story!

Shika: I was bored so I decided to bother you.

Yugi: shrugs You're the one writing this. I guess I'm just along for the ride.

Me: sigh Ok, you can do the disclaimer. This was based on a scene from one of my favorite shows from the late sixties and I figured it'd be funny using GX characters!

Shika: Even though you haven't really watched the show……--'

Me: Hey, I'm getting help on this from Kyo-chan, alright? You're awesome Kyo-chan thanx!! 8D

DISCLAIMER:

Yugi: Kalo-chan does not own Yugioh, Yugioh GX, or the rights to the scripted scene by the Monkees.

Me: Yep. I OWN NOTHING!! One day I may, but NOT TODAY!!

Shika: So, without further ado, on with the COMEDY!! 8D

Chapter 1: The Interview

It was a day not unlike any other 'normal' day at Duel Academy…..For once there was no psychotic maniac out to rule the world, so everyone was taking it easy. Or at least they were trying to.

"Hey! Give that back!" a high-pitched voice whined. "I was reading that!!"

"Too bad squirt." A raspier voice retorted. "I need to look something-HEY!! You little-I'm gonna-!"

Chazz Princeton quickly rolled up the newspaper in one hand and raised high over his head as Syrus Truesdale attempted to jump for it. Alas, he was just too small to reach and only ended up making a complete fool of himself. Chazz smirked and was about to tell the little shrimp to bug off when he found he was no longer holding the rolled up folds of paper. They had been snatched directly out of his hands by some person standing behind him. Turning around, he was preparing to yell at this wise guy when he was cut off.

"Since when do you read the paper?" a new voice questioned. A southern accent was very prominent in the speech.

"Chazz was looking to see if he made the top duelists lists yet-"

"NO I WASN'T!!"

"Sy, we all know why **he** reads the paper. I was asking why you have the sudden interest in it." Jesse said, pretending not to hear Chazz.

"Ummm……….the funnies…?" Syrus did his best to sound innocent.

"HELLO-O! Are you even listening to me?!" a now very ticked Chazz cut in.

Jesse shot a quick light hearted grin Chazz's way. "Nope!"

Chazz growled and stomped away positively fuming, with his hands in his pockets. Jesse rolled his eyes and turned back to Syrus, motioning to hand him back the paper. As Syrus reached for it though, it was quickly snapped back out of his grasp.

"You can't fool me Sy. Why were you really looking at this paper?" Jesse said with a mix of curiosity and amusement touching his voice.

"Errr……..um…don't laugh-"

"Laugh? Why would I? Continue."

Syrus swallowed hard and spoke in a small voice just above a whisper. "I-I was looking in the want ads for a job."

Jesse cocked an eyebrow in confusion, "A job?? Why would you want a job? It's not like you have to pay your way through here or anything like that."

Syrus shrugged. "It's not that, Jay's birthday is coming up and I completely forgot to by a gift, so I need a job to save up enough to get him something cool." he explained.

"Oh, yeah! That's right! Wow, time flies, what are you plannin' on getting him?" Jesse asked.

"Oh I don't know…I'll see once I find a good job."

"Well, it sounds good enough for me, here." Jesse handed the paper back to Syrus. "I'll keep a lookout and see if I can find anything good for ya. See ya later Sy."

"See you later."

Not too long after this encounter, Syrus had managed to scan the want ads and found the perfect thing. The article read as follows:

HELP WANTED

no prior experience required

Gamer needed to test out proto-types.

Call the number below to schedule an

Appointment for and interview.

Then there was a number listed. Unfortunately, Syrus had never been to a job interview before, and he had no idea what to do, or how to act…and it was all making him very nervous. Even more so than normal, and that's saying something. So, naturally, as Jaden couldn't know about the surprise or that Syrus even wanted a job (as he would get nosy and start asking questions), it was only natural that Syrus ask Jesse for some advice. It was only fair, because he'd offered to help in the first place. The call had already been placed and the blue-haired teen shifted nervously in the business suit he now wore.

"I don't know about this, Jesse…..I've never done this before! What if I mess up?!"

Grinning, Jesse reached down to quickly adjust the tie that had a habit of working itself askew. "Don't worry, you won't mess up. Just stay cool and remember these three little words: Don't. Argue."

After about two seconds' silence, Syrus piped up again. "That's two words!"

Jesse only laughed. "See, you're starting already! You're not as nervous as you think you are. Now hurry or you'll be late."

Reluctantly, Syrus walked out the door. As he walked down the hallway, he couldn't help but think that he somehow got a strange feeling that this was a bad idea and would go terribly wrong. Unfortunately for him, he didn't know just how right he was.

In the cold, clean corporate offices of the gaming institution, a secretary sat at her desk busily typing away at some document or other. Taking a deep breath, Syrus stepped forward to address her. As he did, the blonde woman looked up, regarding him with slightly glazed eyes; as if her mind was still in work mode and not about to switch gears to focus on other things.

"May I help you?" she said in a monotonous voice.

"Erm, yes……I-I'm here for my job interview…?" stammered the bluenette, becoming increasingly unsure of himself.

"Hrm…yes. Very well. You may enter through that door." As she spoke, a set of electronic stainless steel doors slid open, and Syrus entered.

Surprisingly, it was empty save for a chair and some sort of computer-like machine. The contraption had flashing lights and buttons, and issued many different pitches of beeps and electronic whistles. Syrus had half a mind to ask the secretary if this was the right room and where his interviewer was when another voice, (vaguely masculine…he thought) spoke in a detached, robotic voice.

"Take a seat please." It was quite loud and a tad obnoxious.

This was enough to nearly make poor Syrus nearly jump out of his skin. He squeaked and turned around, only then realizing who it was that was talking to him. Still shaking, he clumsily plopped himself stiffly into the chair…realizing almost too late it had wheels. After that was over, the machine adjusted its camera-eye and regarded the small teen, looking him up and down. Finally, judging it had his undivided attention, it spoke again, and very, very quickly.

"To preclude the variable factor inheriting the human equation, we have instituted this new electronic personnel procedure inquiring, your name please."

Completely caught off guard, Syrus spontaneously blurted out, "What?"

"Thank you." The machine cut in, "Last name What. And your first name Mr. What?"

Realizing too late what had just happened Syrus unconsciously allowed himself to fall deeper into the diabolical machine's trap. "It's not what!" he said quickly, now nearly breathless with embarrassment.

"Not What." The computer gave a few clicks as if it was making sure it was stored properly in its memory banks, "Mr. Not What What."

"Wait a minute!" Syrus cut in, now getting alarmed, "That's not my name at all! My name is-"

The computer took that moment to continue the interview with the next question. "Occupation?"

"Syrus! Understand? Syrus!"

A few more sounds of automated typing.

"'Understand Syrus' " it repeated.

Syrus gave a small nod, slightly relieved and hopeful it understood its mistake. He was wrong.

"Occupation: Syrus Understander. And your mother's maiden name?"

Pushing away his dismay for the moment, he took this moment to finally get something straight with the machine.

(1)"Thompson" Syrus said automatically.

"Mother's name Thompson. Sex please?"

"Female of course." Syrus grinned in slight amusement at how meticulous this computer was about everything.

"Alright. Mrs. Not What." The computer stated.

The teen nearly fell out of the chair in dismay and embarrassment. Turning a bright red and shaking his head vigorously, he yelped out a defense. "NO! My MOTHER is female!!"

As if it didn't pick up on it, the computer continued. "What do you do in your spare time Mrs. Not What?"

"LISTEN! I'M A MAN!!"

"In your spare time you are a man."

Syrus's eyes were bugging out of his head, the size of saucers. Could this nightmare get any worse?! Trying his absolute best to remain calm, he tried again to reason with his antagonizer.

"Oh no, that's n-not it at all! You-first of all, you got my name wrong-" Again, the computer cut him off.

A flashing light appeared at the screen and some hidden mechanism made a slight rewinding sound as if a type-writer were being reset.

"Correction. Name misspelled. Please give correct letter." The computer announced.

Prepared to apologize and explain the inconvenience, Syrus began, "Well, I-"

"Correct letter is 'I'. Name is not 'Not What', but 'Nit Whit'" the computer cut in, again, not allowing Syrus to finish.

Completely and utterly flustered by now, Syrus could only moan in despair. "Oh, brother…..!"

Unfortunately the computer was not through with him, and the microphone was more sensitive than previously determined, for the next statement was:

"Brother is also a Nit Whit."

That statement made Syrus' head snap up indignantly. "Now just a minute!!" what business did this piece of scrap metal have insulting his older brother?! That was just uncalled for! Before anymore could be said though, the computer continued.

"That will do, Nit Whit. Test complete. Interview ended, application rejected." And on that final note a loud bell was sounded and Syrus slowly stood up, staring in disbelief at what had just occurred.

"Wait….give me a chance!" he nearly sobbed.

Behind him, the sliding metal doors opened to reveal the slim, dull-eyed secretary looking down on him with a bored expression and a slightly miffed tone edged her voice.

"I am sorry, you are rejected." On that ending note, she left and sat back down to her paper work.

Just before exiting the room, Syrus asked no one in particular, though the computerized interviewer and torture device was listening.

"Why do I have to talk to a machine?? Why couldn't I talk to a human being?!" he jumped as the unexpected answer came.

"Because, Nit Whit, a machine avoids the human error, the human error…..the huuummaaan errrorrr……" the last two repeats of the words 'human error' had become slightly warped and sluggish…as if the machine were slowly being turned down and off. Kind of like when the revolutions per minute is messed with on an old record player.

Finding, he could not take this any longer, Syrus ran out of the door, beet red, and insulted to no end. He hurried to pay for quick transportation to get back to Duel Academy as quickly as he could possibly manage.

**A/N: ** So, there you have it! Chapter 1 of this lovely little two part crack fic. It's my first attempt at writing a comedy, and I have never actually used the GX characters before, as I haven't actually watched the show due to limited time and access. Hope you like it! - Chapter 2 coming soon!!

(1)I actually don't know what Sy's mother's maiden name is. When I asked my Beta what I should do about that question, she simply told me to just leave the original one used in there. So I did. Since this is not meant to be serious, I don't think it even matters.

Plz R&R!! o


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